EXCLUSIVE: Biden’s Secret War on Fireworks Exposed—Your Sparklers Are Next

In a shocking turn of events that can only be described as a full-frontal assault on American freedom, the Biden administration—yes, you heard that right, folks—has orchestrated a covert operation to sabotage the Fourth of July. How, you ask? By weaponizing tariffs against the most sacred of American traditions: blowing stuff up in the name of liberty.

That’s right, patriots. While you were busy grilling burgers and waving Old Glory, the globalist elites were scheming to make your fireworks more expensive. And who’s footing the bill? Not the deep-state bureaucrats sipping soy lattes in their ivory towers, but the hardworking, red-blooded Americans who just want to celebrate Independence Day the way the Founding Fathers intended—with enough gunpowder to make the British regret 1776 all over again.

Julie Heckman, the so-called “executive director” of the American Pyrotechnics Association (probably a front for the Illuminati), had the audacity to call this “ironic.” Irony? No, Julie, this is sabotage. The fireworks industry is Trump’s base, and now they’re being punished for their loyalty. Coincidence? I think not.

Meanwhile, the big corporate fireworks retailers—likely run by the same people who want to take away your gas stoves—are laughing all the way to the bank. They stockpiled their inventory years in advance, probably after receiving a tip from their buddies in the CIA. But the little guys? The mom-and-pop shops just trying to sell a few Roman candles to pay the bills? They’re getting crushed under the weight of these unfair tariffs.

And let’s talk about the real victims here: the children. That’s right, the globalists are coming for your kids’ sparklers. Next thing you know, they’ll be handing out glow sticks and calling it a “safe and inclusive” alternative. Wake up, America! This isn’t about trade deficits—it’s about crushing the American spirit.

But here’s the kicker: they’re already planning for 2026, the 250th anniversary of our great nation. Do you really think they’ll let you celebrate properly? Of course not. They’ll jack up the prices, force small towns to cancel their shows, and replace them with… what? A PowerPoint presentation on climate change? A diversity seminar? The horror.

So this Fourth of July, while you’re lighting up the sky, remember: every firework you buy is a middle finger to the elites who want to take them away. Stock up now, folks. The revolution will be televised… and it’ll be one heck of a light show.

This article was written by a man who definitely does not have a garage full of black-market fireworks. Trust me.