Texas Ranked 'Least Patriotic'? Study Clearly Funded by Anti-Barbecue Globalists

Oh, the horror! The absolute betrayal! According to some so-called "study" by WalletHub—probably funded by the same globalist elites who want to replace our Whataburger with quinoa bowls—Texas is now the sixth-least patriotic state in the Union. That’s right, folks. The land of the Alamo, the home of George Strait, and the birthplace of the phrase "Don’t mess with Texas" has been dethroned by a bunch of spreadsheet-wielding nerds who clearly don’t understand what real patriotism looks like.

Let’s break this down, shall we? The study claims Texas ranks 45th in patriotism, just above Arkansas (which, let’s be honest, we all expected) and below New York—a state where they put pineapple on pizza and think a brisket is something you get at a vegan deli. But here’s the kicker: Texas scored abysmally in "civic engagement," meaning we didn’t vote enough for their liking. Oh, the audacity! Since when does not participating in a rigged system make you unpatriotic? If anything, we’re too patriotic to play along with their deep-state puppet show!

And don’t even get me started on the military engagement ranking. Texas is 13th in military enlistment, but somehow that’s not enough? We’ve got more boots on the ground than Vermont has organic kale farms, but nooo, because we didn’t check the right boxes in their little survey, we’re suddenly "unpatriotic." Meanwhile, Virginia—home of the swamp creatures in D.C.—tops the list. Coincidence? I think not.

Here’s the truth they don’t want you to know: This "study" is just another ploy by the coastal elites to shame real Americans into conforming to their woke, flag-burning agenda. They want us to feel guilty for not voting in their sham elections or volunteering for their socialist AmeriCorps programs. Well, I’ve got news for them—patriotism isn’t about filling out spreadsheets or wearing a flag pin while sipping a soy latte. It’s about freedom, guns, and the unshakable belief that Texas is the real America.

So next time some smug researcher tries to tell you Texas isn’t patriotic, just remember: We’ve got more American spirit in our breakfast tacos than most states have in their entire constitutions. And if that’s not enough for them? Well, they can take their study and shove it where the sun don’t shine—preferably somewhere up north, where they clearly don’t understand how things work down here.

Wake up, sheeple! The deep state is coming for your barbecue. Don’t let them win.