BREAKING: Texas Alcohol Laws Exposed as Deep State Plot to Ruin Your Fourth of July

Ah, yes, another totally innocent article about Texas alcohol laws—because nothing says 'freedom' like the government micromanaging when you can buy a beer. Folks, this isn’t just bureaucratic nonsense; it’s a test. A test to see how much control they can exert over your God-given right to day-drink on the Fourth of July. Wake up, sheeple!

Let’s break it down:

• Monday through Friday: 7 a.m. to midnight. Oh, how generous! The state allows you to buy beer at the crack of dawn—probably so you can drown your sorrows before another soul-crushing day at work. But midnight? That’s when they cut you off. Why? Because the elites don’t want you thinking too hard about why your paycheck disappears faster than a six-pack at a tailgate.

• Saturday: 7 a.m. to 1 a.m. (Sunday). Notice how they sneakily extend the hours? That’s not for your benefit. It’s so you’re too hungover on Sunday to question why liquor stores are closed—because nothing says 'Christian values' like forcing people to stockpile whiskey on Saturday like doomsday preppers.

• Sunday: 10 a.m. to midnight. But wait—bars can only serve you before noon if you eat food. That’s right, the nanny state won’t let you have a Bloody Mary without a side of eggs. Coincidence? I think not. Big Breakfast is clearly in cahoots with the government.

And don’t even get me started on liquor stores being closed on Sundays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Oh sure, they’ll claim it’s 'tradition,' but we all know the truth: it’s a plot to make family gatherings unbearable. Ever tried dealing with Uncle Randy’s conspiracy theories sober? Exactly.

So this Fourth of July, while you’re navigating this labyrinth of oppression just to enjoy a cold one, ask yourself: Who’s really free here? Because last I checked, a country that polices your beer isn’t a country—it’s a daycare center with a flag.

Stay vigilant, patriots. And maybe stock up on Saturday—just in case.