Government Weather Machines Strike Again: Texas Floods Expose Shocking Deep State Plot

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted (except for me, because I’ve been warning you about this for years), Texas has been hit by yet another “natural disaster.” That’s right, folks—six dead, kids missing, and homes floating down the street like it’s some kind of twisted Noah’s Ark situation. But don’t be fooled by the so-called “experts” blaming this on “heavy rains” or “climate patterns.” Oh no, this is clearly the work of the radical left’s weather control machines.

You heard me. Weather. Control. Machines.

Think about it: just last week, the Austin City Council passed a resolution praising rain barrels. RAIN BARRELS. Coincidence? I think not. Now suddenly, the Guadalupe River is overflowing like a bathtub with a toddler left unattended. And where are the missing kids? At Camp Mystic, a riverfront camp that just so happens to be near a secret government facility (look it up, sheeple).

Governor Abbott says the state is “surging all available resources,” but let’s be real—those resources are probably just more tofu distribution centers disguised as shelters. And don’t even get me started on Dan Patrick’s “guidance.” Oh, you mean the same guidance that told us to ignore the chemtrails? Hard pass.

And what’s this nonsense about flash floods being the “leading cause of weather-related fatalities”? Please. The leading cause of weather-related fatalities is clearly the government’s refusal to acknowledge HAARP technology. Wake up, people! The deep state is using the weather to distract you from their real goal: replacing our beloved Whataburger with vegan kale shakes.

So next time you see a flood warning, ask yourself: is this really an act of nature, or is it just another plot to make us all move to higher ground—where they can more easily monitor us with 5G towers? Stay vigilant, patriots. And for the love of all that’s holy, stock up on beef jerky and ammo. You’ve been warned.