CAMP MYSTIC FLOOD: Deep State's Latest Baptism Into Tofu-Based Tyranny?

Folks, what we have here is another 'natural disaster' conveniently timed to distract you from the REAL issues. 'Camp Mystic'? More like Camp Mystery—because something STINKS worse than a flooded outhouse in July. Let’s break it down, sheeple.

First off, a 'private Christian girls camp' gets wiped out by a 'sudden flood'? Oh, sure, and I’m the Queen of England. The Guadalupe River 'mysteriously' rises 22 feet in two hours? That’s not Mother Nature—that’s HAARP technology, baby! The deep state’s been testing weather weapons for years, and now they’re using them to cover up… what? A secret underground bunker under the archery range? A tofu indoctrination program? WAKE UP!

And don’t even get me started on the 'missing girls.' Twenty 'unaccounted for'? Or twenty whisked away? Notice how the camp’s owned by the Eastland family—fourth-generation operators. That’s code for 'generational deep-state operatives.' Tweety Eastland? Sounds like a Looney Tunes character because THIS IS A CARTOON, PEOPLE.

Meanwhile, Abbott’s mobilizing 'all necessary resources'—aka FEMA camps disguised as rescue operations. And the media? Oh, they’ll spin this as a tragedy while ignoring the REAL question: WHY was the camp’s Facebook page updated minutes before the flood hit? COINCIDENCE? I think NOT.

Parents, if your kid comes home humming 'Kumbaya' and asking for quinoa, you’ll know the truth. This wasn’t a flood. It was a baptism—into the New World Order. Stay vigilant, patriots. And for the love of liberty, STOCKPILE BBQ SAUCE. They’re coming for that next.

Alex Jaxon is currently broadcasting from his underground bunker (not a FEMA camp) with a tinfoil hat and a lifetime supply of beef jerky.