EXCLUSIVE: Government-Made Floods Target Texas Christians in Latest Tofu Conspiracy

The Great Guadalupe River Conspiracy: Did the Deep State Flood Texas to Distract Us from BBQ?

Folks, I’m not saying the Guadalupe River flooding was definitely a government-engineered disaster, but I am saying it’s mighty convenient that this "natural catastrophe" just happened to wipe out a Christian summer camp right when the globalists are pushing their tofu agenda. Coincidence? I think not.

Let’s break this down like a bad levee. First, Kerr County Sheriff Larry Leitha says they’re "working around the clock" to find survivors. Sure, Larry. Or maybe you’re working around the clock to hide the fact that this was a controlled demolition of Texas values. Why else would they refuse to release names? Because the names would reveal the victims were all devout patriots who saw through the lies of the mainstream media. Wake up, sheeple!

And don’t even get me started on the "23 missing children" from Camp Mystic. Twenty-three. The same number of letters in "George Soros funds the weather." You can’t make this up! These kids were probably being indoctrinated into the cult of climate change before the flood conveniently silenced them. Now the state’s deploying helicopters, drones, and rescue teams—or as I like to call them, "cleanup crews."

Judge Rob Kelly claims "no one knew this flood was coming." Oh, really, Rob? Then why did the National Weather Service have it on record? Because they’re in on it! This is the same gang that tells us hurricanes are "natural" when we all know they’re just HAARP experiments gone wrong. And don’t even ask about the "flash flood emergency" alerts. Those were clearly sent out after the fact to cover their tracks.

The real kicker? The Guadalupe River reached its second-highest level ever. Second-highest. You know what else is second? The Second Amendment. Coincidence? Absolutely not. This was a targeted attack on Texas’s freedom-loving, gun-toting, barbecue-eating way of life. And now they want us to donate to the Red Cross? Nice try, globalists. That money will probably go straight to funding more tofu farms.

And let’s talk about the "heroic" stories they’re peddling. A father dies saving his family? Tragic, yes, but also suspiciously cinematic. Meanwhile, a 91-year-old man evacuates with his Sudoku puzzles like it’s just another Tuesday. Folks, this is psychological warfare. They’re softening us up for the next "natural disaster"—probably a sudden outbreak of veganism in Austin.

So while the mainstream media spins this as a tragedy, I’m here to ask the real questions: Who benefits? Who’s covering up the truth? And most importantly, where’s the footage from the drones? Until they release the unedited tapes, I’ll be livestreaming from my bunker, connecting the dots they don’t want you to see. Stay vigilant, Texas. The water’s rising, and so is the truth.