'Natural Disaster' or Deep State Plot? The Truth About the Texas Floods They Don’t Want You to Know

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted—except for me, of course—Texas has been hit by water falling from the sky. That’s right, folks. Rain. The same rain that the so-called 'experts' claim is 'natural' and 'part of the weather cycle.' But let’s not be naive. This is clearly a coordinated attack by the radical left to distract us from the real issues, like why Austin’s city council keeps putting bike lanes where our trucks belong.

Thirteen people dead? Twenty children missing? Tragic, yes. But have we stopped to ask who benefits from this so-called 'natural disaster'? I’ll tell you who: Big Umbrella. That’s right. The same globalist elites who want us to believe in 'climate change' are now profiting off your fear of getting wet. And don’t even get me started on the Canyon Lake dam. The Army Corps of Engineers says it’s 'safe'? Oh, sure, just like they said about the Alamo—until it wasn’t.

Meanwhile, our beloved politicians are doing what they do best: tweeting. Joaquin Castro is 'heartbroken,' John Cornyn is 'in touch,' and Ted Cruz is 'praying.' Wow. Groundbreaking. If thoughts and prayers could stop floods, we’d all be living in Atlantis by now. And let’s not forget Gov. Abbott, who has heroically deployed 'all necessary resources'—which, judging by past performances, probably means a fleet of thoughts-and-prayers drones.

And what about Camp Mystic? A Christian summer camp, you say? Coincidence that this 'flood' just happened to target innocent children learning about Jesus? I think not. This has 'deep state sabotage' written all over it. Mark my words, folks: by next week, they’ll be blaming this on 'climate change' instead of the real culprits—the shadowy figures who want to replace our beloved Guadalupe River with a woke, gender-neutral creek.

So stay vigilant, patriots. The next time it rains, ask yourself: is this really just weather… or is it the beginning of the end? And for the love of all that’s holy, stock up on tinfoil. You’re gonna need it.