Texas Floods: Nature’s Way of Asking ‘Y’all Forgot About 2015 Already?’

As the heavens unleashed their watery wrath upon Central Texas this weekend, one group remained unfazed: the beleaguered meteorologists at the National Weather Service, who once again found themselves shouting into the void about not driving into floodwaters. Their latest masterpiece, a dire warning spanning Austin to San Antonio, was met with the usual Texan response—a mix of indifference, misplaced confidence in lifted trucks, and at least one viral video of a Civic attempting to ford a river like it’s the Oregon Trail.

Residents of Pflugerville, ever the optimists, took to Nextdoor to debate whether the apocalyptic downpour was a sign of climate change or just God’s way of punishing California. Meanwhile, in Westlake Hills, where the HOA covenants presumably forbid rain from falling out of turn, locals were spotted frantically Googling “how to sue a cloud.”

The real heroes? The low water crossings, those silent guardians of natural selection, standing ready to separate the sensible from the “hold my beer” crowd. As creeks swelled to biblical proportions, the weather service’s plea—“Do not attempt to cross flooded roads”—was tragically misinterpreted as a challenge by at least three drivers, all of whom are now starring in their own cautionary tales on the local news.

And let’s not forget the true victims: the Starbucks baristas forced to work through the deluge, because nothing says “state of emergency” like a caramel macchiato. As the region braces for another inch or two of rain, one thing is certain: by Monday, we’ll all be back to complaining about the heat like none of this ever happened.