**'Act of God' or Deep State Sabotage? The Truth Behind the Hill Country Floods**

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted (except, you know, the National Weather Service), the Hill Country has been transformed into a water park of biblical proportions. At least 43 people—15 of them children—have tragically lost their lives in what officials are calling 'an act of God,' but what I’m calling 'yet another example of the deep state’s weather manipulation program.'

Let’s break this down, folks. The Guadalupe River, normally a serene backdrop for tubing and overpriced vacation rentals, decided to go full Poseidon and swallow entire campsites whole. Among the missing? Twenty-seven children from Camp Mystic, a Christian summer camp. Coincidence? Or is this just another case of Big Government failing to control the very weather they’re probably controlling with their HAARP machines and chemtrails?

Meanwhile, Kerr County Sheriff Larry Leitha is out here giving press conferences like he’s in a disaster movie, solemnly announcing body counts while the National Weather Service casually drops another flood watch like it’s a Spotify playlist update. 'Oh, just 2 to 4 more inches of rain, maybe 10 in some places—who knows? ¯_(ツ)_/¯' Real helpful, guys. Real helpful.

And let’s talk about the 'heroic' rescue efforts. Helicopters! Drones! K9 units! All deployed to find survivors in what’s essentially now a mudslide-themed escape room. But where was this urgency when the forecasts were screaming 'flash flood' days ago? Oh right, too busy preparing for the Fourth of July fireworks that nobody got to see because, surprise, the river ate the park.

Then there’s the real victims here: the local businesses. Hair in Ingram salon? Ruined. Ohana’s Shaved Ice? A melted memory. Paradise River Bend? More like Paradise Lost. But don’t worry, AT&T is graciously waiving overage charges—because nothing says 'we care' like unlimited data in the middle of a catastrophe.

And let’s not forget the pièce de résistance: Governor Greg Abbott’s press conference, where he solemnly declared that nature is 'unpredictable.' Really, Greg? Because last I checked, meteorologists had this thing called 'radar' and 'satellites,' but sure, let’s blame Mother Nature instead of the fact that maybe—just maybe—we shouldn’t be building camps and RV parks in floodplains.

So here we are, folks. Another 'unprecedented' weather event, another round of thoughts and prayers, and another glaring reminder that when it comes to disasters, Texas’s emergency plan is basically 'hope it doesn’t happen' followed by 'panic when it does.' But hey, at least Robert Earl Keen canceled his concert. Priorities, people. Priorities.