**'Mini Tsunami' or Deep State Sabotage? Kerr County Flood Sparks Conspiracy Theories and Bad Jokes**

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted (except, you know, the National Weather Service), the Guadalupe River decided to throw a Fourth of July party no one asked for—complete with a 'mini tsunami' and a guest list of missing children. That’s right, folks, while you were grilling hot dogs and debating whether fireworks are a patriotic tradition or just government-sponsored arson, Kerr County was busy hosting the most disastrous summer camp reunion in history.

Eyewitness Derrick Kyle, who narrowly escaped becoming a permanent resident of the river, described the scene as 'like a mini tsunami hit here.' Thanks, Derrick, for that groundbreaking meteorological analysis. Meanwhile, Camp Mystic, where rows of shoes now sit eerily empty, has become the latest hotspot for state officials to scratch their heads and wonder, 'Wait, weren’t we supposed to warn people about this?'

But don’t worry, Governor Greg Abbott is on the case, assuring everyone that this was 'completely unpredictable'—despite meteorologists waving their arms like over-caffeinated weather prophets for days. And let’s not forget the real heroes here: AT&T, who graciously waived overage charges so survivors could text their loved ones, 'Hey, I’m not dead yet!'

Meanwhile, the Guadalupe River, now bloated with enough debris to furnish a post-apocalyptic IKEA, has left residents questioning whether they should rebuild or just start selling riverfront property as 'extreme waterpark experiences.' And as rescue crews sift through the wreckage, one thing is clear: Mother Nature has officially declared war on Texas, and she’s winning. Wake up, sheeple—this wasn’t just a flood. It was a deep state flood. Coincidence that it happened on Independence Day? I think not.

So grab your tinfoil hats and your emergency supply of Whataburger, because if there’s one thing we’ve learned, it’s that in Texas, even the rivers are out to get you. Stay vigilant, stay paranoid, and for the love of all things holy, stay off the Guadalupe.