**'Natural Disaster' or Deep State Plot? The Truth Behind the Hill Country Floods**

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted (except, you know, the National Weather Service), the Hill Country has been hit by what officials are calling 'a little bit of water.' But don’t be fooled—this is clearly a false flag operation orchestrated by the deep state to distract us from the real issue: the war on barbecue.

First, they came for our WiFi. AT&T, a company we all know is run by shadowy elites who definitely don’t just want to sell you more data plans, has deployed a 'mobile connectivity center' to Kerrville. Free WiFi? Free charging stations? Sounds suspiciously like socialism to me. Next thing you know, they’ll be handing out free tofu burgers. Wake up, sheeple!

And let’s talk about these 'flood victims.' Have you noticed how conveniently they’re all missing? I’m not saying it’s aliens, but I’m also not not saying it’s aliens. Where’s the proof? Where’s the footage? All we have are 'eyewitness accounts' and 'official statements'—both of which we know are just code for 'government lies.'

Meanwhile, Governor Abbott is out here saying the flooding was 'unpredictable.' Really, Greg? The National Weather Service had flood watches up for days, but sure, let’s blame 'nature' instead of the real culprits: the radical left-wing weather machine. I bet they’re using HAARP to control the rain and push their woke agenda. First, it’s gender-neutral bathrooms, now it’s gender-neutral disaster zones. Coincidence? I think not.

And don’t even get me started on Camp Mystic. Twenty-seven children missing? Or were they taken? Why is no one asking why a 'Christian camp' was hit the hardest? Maybe because the deep state hates traditional values. Mark my words, this is all part of their plan to replace Sunday school with critical flood theory.

But hey, at least we’ve got Robert Earl Keen sending 'thoughts and prayers' from the safety of his West Coast tour. Thanks, buddy. Real helpful. Meanwhile, the rest of us are left to wonder: if the government can’t even stop a little water, how are they going to stop the lizard people?

Stay vigilant, folks. And whatever you do, don’t drink the floodwater—it’s probably laced with fluoride.