Government Floods Texas to Distract from Barbecue Ban, Says Local Conspiracy Guru

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted—except for me, Alex Jaxon, who’s been warning you about the government’s weather manipulation schemes for years—Texas has been hit by catastrophic flooding. But don’t be fooled by the so-called "natural disaster" narrative. This is clearly a false flag operation orchestrated by the deep state to distract us from their real agenda: banning barbecue and replacing it with kale smoothies.

Governor Greg Abbott, who may or may not be a hologram at this point, claims that 161 people are still missing. But let’s be real—where’s the proof? Have you seen these "missing" people? Or are they just crisis actors, conveniently disappearing so the government can justify seizing more land under the guise of "emergency response"? I’m not saying it’s aliens… but it’s definitely aliens. Or maybe the Illuminati. Either way, wake up, sheeple!

Meanwhile, Bexar County has sent drones, boats, and even a mobile radio tower to help with the search. Sounds innocent, right? Wrong. Why do they need drones? To spy on us, obviously. And why a mobile radio tower? To block our truth-telling livestreams, no doubt. They’re probably using the floodwaters to test their new 5G mind-control waves. Coincidence? I think not.

And let’s talk about the burn bans. Kendall and Kerr counties have banned burning debris because, supposedly, the heat might interfere with search drones. But we all know the real reason: they don’t want us burning evidence of their weather manipulation machines. Classic cover-up tactic. Next thing you know, they’ll be telling us the moon landing was real.

In a truly heartwarming display of corporate virtue signaling, James Avery Jewelers is donating $1 million to flood relief. How noble. Or is this just a ploy to distract us from the fact that their "Deep in the Heart of Texas" charms are actually embedded with microchips to track our movements? Buy a charm, get a free government surveillance device. What a deal!

And finally, the death toll keeps rising, but officials refuse to answer questions about what really happened before the flood. Why? Because they’re too busy covering their tracks. They’d rather you focus on "search and rescue" than ask why the rivers surged overnight. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t rain. It was HAARP. Or maybe chemtrails. Either way, stay vigilant, folks. The truth is out there—if you’re brave enough to see it.