Guadalupe River Floods: Natural Disaster or Deep-State Weather Warfare?

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted—except for me, because I’ve been warning you about this for years—the so-called 'flash floods' in Kerr County have claimed 84 lives, including 28 children. But don’t be fooled, folks. This isn’t just 'Mother Nature' flexing her muscles. Oh no. This is clearly the work of the radical left-wing environmentalists and their deep-state puppet masters who want to use 'climate change' as an excuse to take away our guns, our trucks, and our God-given right to ignore evacuation orders.

Nineteen agencies are searching the Guadalupe River, using boats, helicopters, dogs, and drones. Nineteen! That’s more agencies than there are letters in 'New World Order,' and that’s not a coincidence, my friends. Why so many resources? Because they’re covering something up. Mark my words, by next week, they’ll be blaming this on 'global warming' while conveniently ignoring the fact that the real culprit is their secret underground weather-control machines. I’ve seen the blueprints! They’re stored right next to the plans for turning Austin into a vegan utopia.

Kerrville Mayor Joe Herring had the audacity to say, 'This will be a rough week.' Rough week? Try rough decade, pal. These floods are just the beginning. Next, they’ll be mandating rainwater collection barrels as part of their socialist agenda. And don’t even get me started on the 'missing' people. 'We don’t know what we don’t know,' says City Manager Dalton Rice. Classic bureaucratic nonsense. What he really means is, 'We know exactly what’s happening, but we’re not telling you because you can’t handle the truth.'

Meanwhile, across Central Texas, the death toll keeps rising. Six here, seven there—it’s like a twisted game of bingo where the prize is another headline for the mainstream media to exploit. And let’s not forget the 15 'missing' in Austin. Missing? Or quietly relocated to a FEMA camp where they’ll be forced to listen to NPR on loop? You decide.

So stay vigilant, patriots. Keep your eyes on the skies, your ears to the ground, and your tinfoil hats securely fastened. The truth is out there—and it’s probably floating down the Guadalupe River right now. Wake up, sheeple!