"Chaos in the Kennels: A Westlake Mother’s Guide to Judging Pet Owners in Crisis"

In a shocking turn of events that has absolutely no bearing on my daily life, hundreds of other people’s pets have been displaced by something called "flooding." I, of course, would never let such a thing happen to my purebred, monogrammed, organic-fed Maltipoo, Sir Reginald Fluffington III. But for those less fortunate souls who don’t have a panic room for their pets, local shelters are apparently in crisis.

Georgetown Animal Shelter—which, let’s be honest, is not Westlake—had to evacuate over 100 animals because water decided to trespass on their property. How rude. The staff had the audacity to work tirelessly, moving animals like some kind of... peasant labor force. And now they’re without water? Darling, I can’t even imagine. My automated sprinkler system once malfunctioned for five minutes, and I had to cancel Pilates to call the HOA.

Meanwhile, Williamson County Animal Shelter—bless their hearts—has been overrun with what I can only assume are common dogs and cats. They’re calling it "chaos," but let’s be real: it’s just poor planning. If these shelters had simply invested in elevated kennels (like the ones I suggested for the neighborhood’s annual "Paws in the Park" fundraiser), none of this would be happening. And don’t even get me started on the "finder-to-foster" program. Next thing you know, they’ll be letting people adopt these animals without a proper background check and a signed affidavit proving they’ve never owned a plebeian pet before.

Austin Pets Alive! is doing... something with a "MASH-style" hospital, which sounds far too unsanitary for my tastes. Dr. Jefferson had the nerve to say pets are an "afterthought" during disasters. Excuse me? My emergency preparedness kit includes a custom doggy life vest, a week’s supply of artisanal kibble, and a signed letter from my vet confirming Sir Reginald’s emotional support status.

If you must help (and let’s face it, you probably won’t), you can foster, donate, or—heaven forbid—microchip your pet. But honestly, if your pet isn’t already microchipped, are you even trying? I, for one, will be observing this tragedy from the safety of my gated community, where the only flood risk is the occasional overzealous lawn sprinkler. Thoughts and prayers, everyone. Thoughts and prayers.