Ted Cruz’s Greek Odyssey: A Tale of Heroism, Gyros, and Floodwaters

Oh, what a hero we have in Senator Ted Cruz, folks! While Texas was drowning—literally—our fearless leader was busy scaling the heights of Greek philosophy, presumably contemplating the deep moral questions of whether to order the gyro platter or just stick with souvlaki. Because nothing says "I care about my constituents" like a scenic tour of the Parthenon while children are being swept away by floodwaters.

Cruz, ever the multitasker, managed to squeeze in a quick call to President Trump between snapping selfies with ancient ruins. "Mr. President, this appears to be bad. Really bad," he reportedly said, as if he were commenting on a disappointing hotel breakfast rather than a catastrophic natural disaster. Meanwhile, back in Texas, local officials were confirming deaths in real time, but hey, the senator had a pre-planned vacation! Priorities, people!

His office insists he "worked closely" with officials from Greece, because nothing says "effective crisis management" like coordinating search-and-rescue efforts from a beachside taverna. And let’s not forget the real tragedy here: Cruz had to cut his vacation short by a whole two days. The sacrifices our politicians make for us are truly staggering.

But don’t worry, Texans—Cruz is back now, standing solemnly at press conferences, his heart "broken" by the devastation. Though one has to wonder: if his heart was so broken, why did it take him until Sunday to return? Maybe he needed extra time to pack his souvenirs. Or perhaps he was waiting for the Acropolis gift shop to restock its "I Survived the Greek Debt Crisis" T-shirts. Either way, rest assured, your senator is on the case—just as soon as he finishes his baklava.