James Avery Sells Out of Sympathy: How a $50 Charm Will Rebuild Texas

In a stunning display of corporate generosity that will surely solve all of Texas’ problems, James Avery Artisan Jewelry has announced they will donate proceeds from their Deep in the Heart of Texas charm to flood relief efforts. Because nothing says "we care" like a $50 trinket that takes six weeks to arrive—just in time for the next natural disaster.

While 160 people remain missing and entire families mourn the loss of children at Camp Mystic, the real tragedy here is that the charm sold out too fast. Can you imagine the horror? Texans in crisis, but no shiny bauble to commemorate their suffering? Thankfully, backorders are being accepted, so you can still virtue-signal your empathy—just in time for Christmas.

Governor Greg Abbott, ever the beacon of leadership, solemnly confirmed the rising death toll while presumably drafting a strongly worded letter to the Biden administration about why this is definitely not Texas’ fault. Meanwhile, first responders are heroically plucking survivors from trees, but let’s be honest—the real heroes are the marketing team at James Avery, who managed to spin a tragedy into a PR win before the mud even dried.

And to the 27 children who perished at Camp Mystic? Don’t worry, their memory will live on—etched into the hearts of Texans, or at least stamped onto a mass-produced charm available for backorder. Thoughts, prayers, and free shipping.