SpaceX’s Latest Venture: Turning Mexico Into a Rocket Graveyard

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted, SpaceX has once again turned the Gulf of Mexico into its personal junkyard. Mexican officials, who apparently don’t appreciate having their beaches turned into a SpaceX souvenir shop, are threatening legal action. Because nothing says "international diplomacy" like suing the world’s richest man over a few thousand pounds of flaming rocket debris.

President Claudia Sheinbaum, clearly unfamiliar with the Silicon Valley mantra of "move fast and break things (and also international treaties)," expressed concerns about the "environmental and security" impacts of SpaceX’s operations. Scientists in Mexico have confirmed that rocket parts are, in fact, not great for wildlife. This groundbreaking discovery has left SpaceX scrambling to explain that their debris is "totally fine" and "not toxic"—just like how your roommate swears the mystery meat in the fridge is "still good."

Meanwhile, Elon Musk’s response was predictably measured and thoughtful—posted on X, of course—where SpaceX assured everyone that the wreckage poses "no hazards." Because nothing reassures a nation like a tweet from a company that just turned their coastline into a modern art installation titled Exploded Rocket: A Study in Regulatory Loopholes.

This latest kerfuffle comes as SpaceX prepares to launch 25 Starships a year from Starbase, because if there’s one thing the world needs, it’s more opportunities for flaming debris to rain down on unsuspecting countries. The FAA, ever the voice of reason, has determined that this will "not significantly impact" the environment. Then again, the FAA also thinks peanuts are a meal, so take that with a grain of space salt.

Mexican officials are now reviewing international laws, which is adorable, because if there’s one thing we’ve learned, it’s that Elon Musk treats international law like a suggestion box at a tech startup. Meanwhile, SpaceX is expanding operations to Florida, because why limit your debris field to one country when you can share the love across multiple states?

In related news, treasure hunters in Mexico are having the time of their lives collecting SpaceX memorabilia, proving once again that one man’s space junk is another man’s eBay side hustle. The real question is: when will Mexico start charging admission for the world’s first open-air SpaceX museum? Tickets sold separately—rocket debris not included.