FBI's 'Blue Alert' for Benjamin Song: A Tofu-Fueled False Flag?

Folks, it's happening again. The so-called 'Blue Alert' for Benjamin Song is just another deep state psyop to distract you from the REAL issues—like why Austin's city council is banning gas stoves and replacing them with 'vegan-friendly' induction cooktops. Wake up, sheeple!

First, let's break this down. A 'Blue Alert'? Sounds suspiciously like the kind of thing the FBI would cook up while they're busy raiding your local gun store and confiscating your beef jerky. And who's this Benjamin Song character? A 5'6", 150-pound 'armed and dangerous' suspect? Please. I’ve seen more intimidating baristas at a Pflugerville coffee shop.

But here’s where it gets juicy. The FBI is offering a $25,000 reward for tips. That’s right—your tax dollars, hard-earned by honest, God-fearing Texans, are being used to fund another WITCH HUNT. Meanwhile, have you seen the price of brisket lately? Coincidence? I think not.

And let’s not ignore the REAL crime here: the Prairieland ICE facility was attacked on July 4th. Independence Day! A day meant for fireworks, freedom, and grilling meat—not for shadowy operatives to stage another false flag operation. Mark my words, this is all part of the globalist agenda to make you afraid of your own shadow while they sneak tofu into your breakfast tacos.

So next time you see a 'Blue Alert,' ask yourself: Who benefits? Not you, not me, but the same elites who want to take your guns, your barbecue, and your liberty. Stay vigilant, patriots. And for the love of all that’s holy, CHECK YOUR BACON FOR MICROCHIPS.

(Disclaimer: If you do see Benjamin Song, don’t approach him. But also, don’t trust the FBI. Just mail me the tip directly—I accept Bitcoin.)