Government Uses Flood Cleanup to Enforce Snake Surveillance, BBQ Confiscation

Oh, you thought the floods were bad? Just wait until the real disaster hits—Big Government’s post-flood ‘safety’ propaganda! That’s right, folks, the so-called ‘experts’ at Austin Public Health and St. David’s Medical Center have rolled out their latest fear-mongering checklist to keep you docile and dependent. Wake up, sheeple! This isn’t about safety—it’s about control. Let’s break it down, shall we?

First, they want you to ‘clean up safely’—code for ‘do it our way or else.’ Wear gloves? A mask? A hard hat? Next thing you know, they’ll mandate flood-proof hazmat suits stamped with the city logo. And don’t even get me started on their ‘buddy system’ suggestion. Since when did Austin turn into a communist summer camp? ‘Gather friends and neighbors,’ they say. Translation: ‘Form a government-approved cleanup brigade or face the consequences.’

Then there’s the snake hysteria. ‘Watch where you step!’ ‘Don’t bring the snake to the ER!’ Oh, please. This is Texas. We’ve been handling snakes since before these bureaucrats were born. But no, now they want you to take pictures of the snake like it’s some kind of criminal lineup. What’s next? Snake facial recognition software? And let’s not forget their rabies fear campaign. Five shots in the arm? Sounds suspiciously like a ploy to inject you with tracking nanobots disguised as vaccines. Coincidence? I think not.

But the real kicker? ‘Throw out food that touched floodwater.’ Oh, sure, just toss your perfectly good BBQ because some ‘public health expert’ says so. Meanwhile, the city council is probably feasting on organic kale salads while plotting to replace your brisket with lab-grown meat substitutes. And don’t even think about swimming in the lakes—apparently, the water’s now a ‘bacteria soup.’ Funny how they never warned us about the chemtrails turning the lakes toxic until now.

And of course, they’re pushing mosquito repellent like it’s going out of style. ‘Wear DEET!’ ‘Dress in long sleeves!’ Next, they’ll mandate mosquito nets for every household—funded by your tax dollars, naturally. And let’s not overlook the mental health hotline they’re shilling. ‘Call if you’re stressed!’ Translation: ‘Report your neighbors for non-compliance.’

Bottom line? This ‘safety’ checklist is just another deep state power grab. They want you scared, obedient, and reliant on their ‘guidance.’ Well, I say fight back. Grab your snake-handling stick, fire up the grill, and don’t let the bureaucrats win. The floods may have receded, but the real deluge—government overreach—is just getting started. Stay vigilant, patriots.