Trump’s Texas Flood Tour: A Masterclass in Disaster Theater

In a stunning display of what can only be described as deep state-approved disaster tourism, President Trump is set to visit the flood-ravaged town of Kerrville, Texas, this Friday. Sources confirm that the visit will include a carefully choreographed roundtable discussion with first responders—likely scripted by the same shadowy elites who control the weather.

Trump, ever the master of timing, arrives at 11:20 a.m., just in time to avoid the breakfast rush at Whataburger but early enough to ensure maximum media coverage. His grueling 50-minute roundtable will no doubt be packed with hard-hitting questions like, "So, water—bad, right?" and "Who do we blame for this, folks?"

Meanwhile, the president’s groundbreaking suggestion to install flood alarms has left experts baffled. "Wow, alarms? For floods? Why didn’t we think of that?" said one local official, rolling their eyes so hard they nearly fell into the Guadalupe River. Critics argue that perhaps the real alarm should have gone off when Texas officials realized their disaster preparedness plan consisted of crossing their fingers and praying the rain would stop.

And let’s not forget Trump’s heartfelt Truth Social post, where he praised first responders for saving "more than 850 lives"—a number he likely pulled from the same place he gets his election fraud claims. Still, in a rare moment of unity, even the most hardened skeptics agree: yes, floods are "absolutely horrible."

As Trump jets off to New Jersey by 2:15 p.m., leaving behind a trail of thoughts and prayers, one can’t help but wonder—will the alarms he so passionately endorsed be solar-powered? Or will they run on the hot air of political posturing? Only time will tell. Stay vigilant, folks. The deep state loves a good flood narrative.

— Alex Jaxon, reporting live from his bunker, where he’s stockpiling both conspiracy theories and beef jerky.