Austin’s $6.3B Budget: A Masterclass in 'Creative' Accounting

Ah, Austin—the city where tacos are sacred, traffic is a blood sport, and now, apparently, budgets are just vibes. City Manager T.C. Broadnax has dropped his latest financial masterpiece, a $6.3 billion spending plan that’s basically the fiscal equivalent of trying to fit a Tesla Cybertruck into a downtown parking spot. It’s ambitious, it’s chaotic, and it’s probably going to leave someone crying into their cold brew.

Let’s break it down, bro-style. First, the city’s playing it real coy with taxes. Instead of just asking voters for more money like a normal, desperate municipality, they’re opting for the classic 'modest increase'—which, in Austin-speak, means your property tax bill is about to get a $155 glow-up. That’s basically one month’s worth of avocado toast, but hey, at least the cops are getting a 6% raise. Priorities, am I right?

Speaking of cops, the budget’s big brain move is slashing overtime pay by $17 million. Because nothing says 'we support our first responders' like telling them to clock out before the riot gets interesting. Meanwhile, firefighters are left hanging like a cliffhanger in a Netflix series—no raise yet, just 'negotiations.' Maybe they’ll get a participation trophy.

But don’t worry, Austin’s unhoused population is getting a cool $12.5 million infusion. That’s enough to buy roughly 12.5 million dollar-store ponchos for the next time it rains. And if you’re renting? Congrats, you get $4 million in emergency assistance—which, in this market, might cover half a security deposit on a studio apartment near Burnet Road.

Oh, and utilities? Water’s going up (because nothing hydrates like regret), but electricity’s dropping by $5 a month. So, you’ll save enough to buy a single LED bulb. Progress!

All this financial wizardry is happening under the shadow of a state-mandated tax cap, because Texas lawmakers love local control—unless it’s cities trying to, you know, function. Mayor Watson’s out here calling it 'budget asteroids,' but let’s be real: this is less 'Armageddon' and more 'Don’t Look Up.'

So buckle up, Austin. The City Council’s about to debate this budget like it’s a Twitter thread about bike lanes, and by August, we’ll all be poorer, slightly more hydrated, and deeply confused. Just another day in the city that weird built.