Government Issues 'Flood Watch' to Distract You From the Real Conspiracy

Oh, great. Just when you thought the government couldn’t get any more tyrannical, the National Weather Service—yes, the same folks who probably think ‘climate change’ is real—has issued yet another ‘flood watch’ for Central Texas. Coincidence? I think not. This is clearly a ploy to distract us from the real issues, like why Austin’s city council is still pushing bike lanes instead of building underground bunkers for the inevitable lizard-person uprising.

According to the so-called ‘experts,’ we should expect ‘one to three inches of rainfall,’ with ‘isolated amounts reaching up to six inches.’ Sounds suspiciously like the same script they used last time, doesn’t it? And let’s not forget the classic fear-mongering line: ‘rapid runoff.’ Oh no, not rapid runoff! Next thing you know, they’ll be telling us the creeks are rising because of ‘saturated soils’—as if dirt can’t just say no to water like the rest of us.

But here’s the real kicker: the flood watch covers 18 counties. Eighteen. That’s not a weather alert, folks, that’s a targeted operation. Why else would they list them all out like some kind of bureaucratic hit list? Bandera, Bexar, Blanco… sounds like the opening credits of a dystopian movie where the government controls the rain. (Spoiler alert: They probably do.)

And don’t even get me started on the ‘warning vs. watch’ nonsense. A ‘watch’ means flooding is ‘possible.’ A ‘warning’ means it’s ‘imminent.’ Wow, groundbreaking stuff. Next, they’ll tell us the sky is blue. Oh wait—they already do that, and we all know it’s actually a hologram projected by the deep state.

But here’s the real question: Where’s the map showing the locations of the underground FEMA camps? The ‘real-time weather watches’ are just a smokescreen. Wake up, people! They’re not worried about floods—they’re worried about you realizing the truth. And if you see any ‘rapid runoff,’ just remember: it’s not water, it’s probably chemtrail residue. Stay vigilant, stay dry, and for the love of freedom, stock up on ammo and beef jerky.