DROUGHT OR DEEP STATE? The Shocking Truth Behind Texas' 'Natural' Water Crisis

Oh, what a shocker—Texas is still dry! After what the so-called 'experts' are calling 'historic flooding,' the Drought Monitor maps still show large swaths of the Lone Star State looking like a forgotten bag of beef jerky. But don’t be fooled, folks. This isn’t just Mother Nature playing hard to get—this is a full-blown conspiracy by the radical left to control our water supply and force us all into drinking recycled soy milk!

Let’s break it down. First, they hit us with an 'early and intense heat wave'—conveniently timed right before the Fourth of July, when patriots just want to grill in peace. Triple-digit temperatures in May? That’s not climate change, that’s climate manipulation. And who benefits? Big Solar, that’s who. They want you sweating so hard you’ll buy their overpriced panels just to power a single fan.

Then, just when we’re all about to revolt, they unleash 'remnants of two tropical systems'—because nothing says 'controlled opposition' like a sudden biblical flood right before Independence Day. Coincidence? I think not. They drown our barbecues, wash out our fireworks, and then have the audacity to say, 'Oh, but look, the drought improved a little!' A measly 6% shift? That’s not relief, that’s a rounding error!

And let’s talk about these 'Drought Severity and Coverage Index' numbers. 109 down to 85? Sounds like a bad credit score. But here’s the kicker—they’re still calling parts of Texas 'exceptionally dry.' Folks, that’s code for 'we’re hoarding the water.' Where’s it going? Probably to some underground bunker where the elites are stockpiling it for their hydroponic kale farms while the rest of us are left rationing Shiner Bock.

And don’t even get me started on the '120 dead, 170 missing' line. Tragic? Absolutely. But also suspiciously convenient for a government that wants us distracted while they install smart meters in our wells. Wake up, people! The next thing you know, they’ll be taxing us for rainwater collection and calling it a 'drought mitigation fee.'

So next time you see a puddle, ask yourself: Is this really rain, or is it just another deep-state psyop to make us forget about the real issue—that they’re turning Texas into a tofu wasteland one flood at a time? Stay vigilant, stay hydrated (with beer, not tap water), and remember: The only drought we should be worried about is the one in common sense at the Capitol.

This has been your weekly dose of reality—brought to you by the folks who still believe in unregulated sprinklers and the right to hose down your neighbor’s Prius.