GOVERNMENT WEAPONIZING WEATHER TO FORCE HILL COUNTRY INTO KAYAK-BASED SOCIALISM

Folks, I’m not saying the government is weaponizing the weather—but I’m also not not saying it. Coincidence that these "flash floods" keep happening right after the Hill Country refused to install those new "smart" water meters? You know, the ones that supposedly "monitor usage" but probably also inject fluoride into your garden hose? Wake up, sheeple!

First, they came for our barbecue pits with their vegan agenda, and now they’re coming for our entire towns with "natural disasters" that just happen to align perfectly with their depopulation goals. And don’t even get me started on "Task Force 1"—sounds like a Marvel movie, but I bet it’s just a front for FEMA camps disguised as "rescue operations."

And why is the Guadalupe River rising faster than a libertarian’s blood pressure at a tax meeting? Because they’re controlling it, that’s why! They’ve got underground geoengineering tech—probably funded by Big Tofu—to make it look like "climate change" while they quietly relocate us all to 15-minute cities where we’ll be forced to ride electric scooters and eat lab-grown brisket.

But sure, go ahead and "evacuate." Just remember: every time you obey an "official order," a bureaucrat gets his wings. Stay vigilant, stock up on ammo and bottled water (filtered, because obviously), and for the love of freedom, stop trusting the weatherman. He’s in on it too.