Frio River Flooding: Government Weather Machines or Just Another Deep State BBQ Sabotage?

Oh, great. Just what we needed—another river in Texas deciding to throw a tantrum and flood everything in sight. The Frio River, which apparently means 'cold' in Spanish (though there’s nothing 'chill' about this situation), is now the latest waterway to join the 'Let’s Ruin Everyone’s Day' club. The National Weather Service, those ever-alarmist bureaucrats, are warning folks to 'seek higher ground.' Yeah, because nothing says 'fun weekend' like evacuating your home while clutching a soggy bag of valuables and your confused dog.

But let’s not forget the real victims here: the barbecue pits. That’s right, folks. While the mainstream media is busy crying about 'lives lost' and 'property damage,' no one is talking about the real tragedy—flooded brisket smokers. This is clearly a plot by the radical left to force Texans into eating tofu. Mark my words, next they’ll be saying the floods are caused by 'climate change' and not, as any sane person knows, by government weather machines controlled by the deep state.

And where is the Frio River, you ask? Apparently, it starts in the Edwards Plateau (which sounds suspiciously like a secret government facility) and ends up in the Nueces River Basin, which is probably just a fancy way of saying 'your backyard if you live in Three Rivers.' Meanwhile, Garner State Park is closed—another win for the elites who don’t want you enjoying God’s country without paying a 'flood tax' or whatever they’ll dream up next.

So, grab your tinfoil hats and your life jackets, folks. The Frio River is coming for you, and the only thing standing between you and watery doom is… well, probably a kayak and a prayer. But hey, at least the fish are getting a free tour of your living room.