EXPOSED: Austin’s Restaurant Cabal Exploits Flood Tragedy for PR Stunt

Oh, how touching. Austin’s elite restaurant cabal has suddenly discovered the power of charity—right after a catastrophic flood conveniently wiped out half of Central Texas. Coincidence? I think not. Let’s break down this heartwarming display of corporate benevolence before we all drown in the tears of performative altruism.

First up, Guy + Larry Restaurants, the shadowy conglomerate behind Red Ash and ATX Cocina, graciously donated 100% of their sales for one whole day. Wow. A staggering $206,000—which, let’s be real, is probably just the loose change they found in their designer leather couches. Meanwhile, P. Terry’s, the fast-food savior, managed to squeeze $150,000 out of their loyal customers—who, by the way, waited in line for an hour just to overpay for a burger. But hey, at least they got a side of virtue signaling with their fries.

JuiceLand, ever the trendy do-gooder, tossed in $18,748—their largest donation ever! That’s almost enough to buy a single avocado toast in Austin these days. And MML Hospitality? Oh, they’re facilitating donations—meaning they’re letting you pay extra on your bill so they can take credit. Brilliant.

But wait, it gets better. Black Gold, the barbecue joint, is donating 10% of sales. Ten. Percent. That’s like tipping your server in thoughts and prayers. And Odd Duck? They’re donating $1 per cornbread. ONE DOLLAR. At that rate, they’ll single-handedly rebuild Kerr County by the year 3024.

And let’s not forget the real heroes: Bunkhouse Hotels, selling limited-edition T-shirts. Because nothing says disaster relief like a $35 cotton reminder that you care—while wearing it to brunch.

Folks, this isn’t charity. This is marketing. A carefully orchestrated PR stunt to make you forget that these same restaurants probably lobbied against flood prevention measures while jacking up prices to offset inflation (or whatever the deep state is calling it this week). Wake up, sheeple! The only thing rising faster than floodwaters is their profit margins.

So next time you’re guilt-tripped into buying a Keith Lee Latte for the cause, ask yourself: Who’s really benefiting here? The victims? Or the corporations cashing in on their tragedy? I’ll let you decide—just don’t expect an honest answer from the mainstream media.

Stay vigilant. Stay skeptical. And for the love of liberty, stop falling for the tofu-industrial complex.