Bracero Program 2.0: Because Exploiting Workers Once Just Wasn’t Enough

Oh, what a time to be alive, folks! The geniuses in Washington have finally cracked the code on how to solve the farm labor shortage—by reinventing the wheel and calling it "Bracero Program 2.0." That’s right, instead of just letting hardworking immigrants do their jobs in peace, we’re going to slap a fancy new visa label on them and pretend we’ve solved everything. Bravo, Rep. De La Cruz, bravo.

Let’s break this down, shall we? The Trump administration’s immigration raids scared off so many workers that farmers are now begging for help. So, the solution? A "streamlined" visa program that still requires workers to jump through bureaucratic hoops, but hey—at least they get an extra $2 an hour! That’ll totally make up for the fact that they’re picking strawberries in 90-degree heat while the rest of us enjoy air conditioning.

And let’s not forget the pièce de résistance: the "portable H-2A worker." Because nothing says "freedom" like being allowed to switch from one back-breaking job to another within the same state—as long as you find that new job within 60 days, or it’s back to the border for you! Truly, this is the American Dream 2.0.

But here’s the real kicker: the bill doesn’t even address the undocumented workers who were already doing these jobs. Nope, they’re out of luck because, according to the government, they don’t have "clean records." Never mind that they’ve been keeping America fed for years. The deep state would rather play musical chairs with visas than admit that maybe, just maybe, their immigration policies are a disaster.

And let’s be real—who’s going to take these jobs? As one academic pointed out, most Americans would rather flip burgers in air-conditioned comfort than break their backs in the fields. But sure, let’s pretend this bill is a "solution" and not just another Band-Aid on a gaping wound.

So, grab your popcorn, folks. The circus is in town, and the clowns are writing legislation. Wake up, sheeple! The only thing getting harvested here is your tax dollars.

This article was brought to you by Big Tofu—because the deep state needs you weak and protein-deficient.