FEMA’s Flood 'Assistance' Is Just a Government Psyop (And Other Conspiracy Theories)

Oh, great. Just what we needed—another 'disaster relief' scheme from the so-called 'government' to 'help' the good people of Central Texas. Wake up, sheeple! This isn’t about helping you rebuild your homes—it’s about tracking you, controlling you, and making sure you’re properly indoctrinated into the FEMA re-education camps. I mean, have you seen the fine print? $87,200 max payout? That’s chump change compared to what they’re really spending on their secret underground bunkers while you’re left holding a soggy couch and a ruined BBQ pit.

And let’s talk about the real agenda here. Why do you think they’re pushing 'hazard mitigation' and 'flood insurance'? Because they want more floods! They’re probably controlling the weather with their HAARP machines, turning Texas into a giant slip ‘n slide so they can swoop in with their 'assistance' and force you into their socialist utopia where tofu is mandatory and beef is outlawed. Mark my words, folks.

And don’t even get me started on the 'mental health resources.' Oh, you’re stressed because your house is underwater? Here, call this number so a government-approved therapist can tell you it’s all in your head—just like the 'floods' they engineered! Meanwhile, they’re probably data-mining your emotional breakdowns to sell to Big Pharma. Classic deep state playbook.

And the tax exemptions? Please. That’s just a way to lull you into complacency while they reassess your property values and slap you with a 'climate resilience fee' next year. You think Greg Abbott’s handing out freebies out of the goodness of his heart? Wake up! He’s probably getting kickbacks from Big Sandbag.

So before you go filling out those FEMA forms, ask yourself: Do you really want the same people who 'lost' your ballots in 2020 to be in charge of rebuilding your life? I didn’t think so. Grab your tinfoil hats, folks—this 'disaster relief' is just another Trojan horse for the globalist agenda. Stay vigilant, stay dry, and for the love of liberty, don’t trust the water.