Big Stars, Big Bucks, and Big Questions: The Flood Relief Circus Comes to Town

Oh, what a heartwarming display of totally organic generosity from our beloved Texas musicians! Robert Earl Keen, George Strait, and even Selena Gomez—who probably had to Google "Kerrville" before posting—have all suddenly remembered they’re from Texas just in time to performatively care about flood victims. How convenient!

Let’s break this down, folks. First, we’ve got Keen’s Applause for the Cause—because nothing says "helping the little guy" like a $200 reserved seat at an amphitheater. And don’t worry, they’re keeping overhead costs low! Except, of course, for the million-dollar Buc-ee’s sponsorship. Because nothing screams "fiscally responsible charity" like a gas station tycoon slapping his name on a disaster.

Then there’s George Strait’s Strait To The Heart—a private dinner concert where tickets start at a cool $1,000. Because nothing rebuilds a community like excluding everyone who can’t afford a month’s rent for a plate of overcooked brisket and a two-hour set of Amarillo By Morning. But hey, first responders get in free! That’ll really help when they’re still pulling bodies out of the mud next week.

And Selena Gomez? Bless her heart. She took time out of her busy schedule of not making music to post an Instagram story and donate an undisclosed amount. Truly, the hero we deserve.

Meanwhile, Austin’s indie scene is scrambling to outdo each other with benefit shows at every dive bar in town. Pickin’ For a Cause? After The Flood? CenTex Strong? It’s like a competition for who can slap the most ironic band name on a tragedy.

But let’s be real—this isn’t about helping people. It’s about PR. It’s about country stars reminding us they’re still relevant and pop stars reminding us they’re still from Texas. And if a few flood victims get a couple bucks out of it? Well, that’s just a happy accident.

Wake up, sheeple! The real flood was the corporate sponsorships we drowned in along the way.