‘Water You Thinking?’: Kerr County Residents Shocked to Learn Flood Zones Actually Flood

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one could have predicted (except for me, because I’ve been screaming about it for years), it turns out that people living in flood zones don’t have flood insurance. That’s right, folks—despite the fact that FEMA’s flood maps are about as accurate as a weatherman predicting sunshine in a hurricane, thousands of Texans decided to roll the dice and now find themselves knee-deep in regret (and water).

According to the Houston Chronicle—which, let’s be honest, is probably just a front for the globalist elites who want us all to live in underwater pods—less than 5% of homes in Kerr County’s high-risk flood zones had flood insurance before the July 4 storm. That’s right, 95% of these people looked at their homes sitting in what might as well be a bathtub and said, Nah, we’re good.

But can you blame them? FEMA’s flood maps are so outdated they might as well be drawn on parchment with a quill. The last time Kerr County’s maps were updated, Obama was still president, and Game of Thrones hadn’t yet traumatized us with its final season. Meanwhile, the so-called 'experts' are out here acting surprised that climate change is making storms worse. Wake up, sheeple! The elites want you to believe in 'climate change' so they can tax your rain puddles.

And let’s talk about the real villain here: the federal government. FEMA’s flood insurance program is about as reliable as a screen door on a submarine. Homeowners without coverage will get peanuts in disaster relief, while those who paid into the system get a slightly larger bag of peanuts. Meanwhile, President Trump—who, by the way, is the only one brave enough to stand up to the deep state bureaucrats—has been 'slow' to approve FEMA funding. Coincidence? Or is this all part of the plan to force us into those 15-minute cities where we’ll all ride bikes and eat bugs?

And don’t even get me started on the Houston Chronicle’s fancy AI flood model. Oh, sure, they’ll use AI to map floods, but will they use it to expose the truth about the lizard people running our local governments? Of course not.

So here’s the bottom line: If you’re living in a flood zone, maybe—just maybe—consider buying flood insurance. Or don’t. After all, what’s the worst that could happen? (Spoiler: Everything. The worst is everything.)