Lakeway in Crisis: Lake Travis Dares to Flood, Disrupts Yacht Club Vibes

In a shocking turn of events that has absolutely devastated the Lakeway elite, Lake Travis has decided to—brace yourselves—hold more water. That’s right, folks. The lake, which normally exists solely for the purpose of providing Instagram backdrops for yacht club brunches and paddleboard influencers, has gone rogue. Seventeen feet of extra water? Unacceptable. Where are the property values supposed to go now? Up?

Local officials, clearly in cahoots with Mother Nature herself, had the audacity to close the lake to boat traffic last week. Never mind that nine people tragically lost their lives—what about the jet ski reservations? The Fourth of July fireworks display was already ruined by all this rain, and now we can’t even take the boat out to drown our sorrows in overpriced rosé?

And let’s talk about the debris. Who authorized nature to dump its unsightly branches and mud all over our pristine marina views? Do you know how hard it is to coordinate a tasteful lakeside wedding when the water looks like it’s been stirred by a toddler with a stick? The Sail & Ski Yacht Club is not amused.

But fear not, concerned citizens. The county has graciously reopened parts of the lake, because nothing says 'public safety' like letting rich people resume their aquatic joyrides amidst floating hazards. Priorities, people.

And to the four missing individuals—thoughts and prayers, obviously. But also, has anyone considered how this is affecting the aesthetic of Bob Wentz Park? The islands are practically submerged. Do you know how much effort went into landscaping those?

In conclusion, this is clearly an attack on the moral fabric of Lakeway. Someone call the HOA. And the manager. All of them.