Eddie Garcia’s Great Texas Job Swap: Coincidence or Deep-State Bureaucrat Conspiracy?

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming (except for me, because I’ve been warning you all about the police chief musical chairs conspiracy for years), Austin’s very own Assistant City Manager Eddie Garcia is now a finalist to become Fort Worth’s next top cop. That’s right, folks—another high-ranking official playing hopscotch between Texas cities like it’s some kind of government-sanctioned game of tag. Coincidence? I think not.

Garcia, who mysteriously retired from Dallas PD before suddenly popping up in Austin, is now eyeing Fort Worth like a kid at a buffet who can’t decide between the mac and cheese or the chicken tenders. And let’s not ignore the fact that he promised to stay in Dallas until 2027—but oh, what’s a little broken contract between friends, right? Clearly, the man has a wandering soul—or, more likely, a wandering paycheck.

But wait, it gets better. Garcia’s boss in Austin, City Manager T.C. Broadnax, also conveniently came from Dallas. Are we supposed to believe this is just a series of innocent job changes? Or is this the work of a shadowy cabal of city managers, shuffling their favorite bureaucrats around like chess pieces while the rest of us are too distracted by rising taco prices to notice?

And let’s talk about Fort Worth’s selection process. Fifty-one applicants from fifteen states, and yet somehow, somehow, the finalists include two guys from Dallas, one from Fort Worth, and one from—wait for it—Los Angeles. That’s right, folks, the LAPD is apparently sending their best to Texas, because nothing says ‘local control’ like importing California’s finest.

Meanwhile, Garcia’s office conveniently didn’t return the Statesman’s request for comment. Shocking. Almost as shocking as the fact that no one in the mainstream media is asking the real questions: Who’s pulling the strings here? Why do these guys keep jumping ship? And most importantly—what are they hiding?

Wake up, sheeple. The Great Texas Bureaucrat Swap is happening right under our noses, and if we don’t stop it, next thing you know, they’ll be replacing our Whataburger with kale smoothies.

This has been your daily dose of truth. You’re welcome.