GOVERNMENT SCIENTISTS CLAIM TEXAS TSUNAMI ‘UNLIKELY’—BUT I’VE SEEN THE TRUTH (AND IT’S WET)

Oh, great. Just what we needed—another “expert” telling us not to worry about a tsunami hitting Texas. “Oh, it’s rare,” they say. “Oh, the waves would be small,” they claim. Meanwhile, the same people probably told us Austin’s traffic was ‘manageable’ before the I-35 parking lot became a permanent feature of our lives. Wake up, sheeple! The deep state doesn’t want you to panic about a 20-foot wall of water because they’re too busy flooding our streets with electric scooters and kombucha stands.

Let’s break this down. They admit there have been three ‘small’ tsunamis in the Gulf. Three! That’s three too many, if you ask me. And who’s to say the next one won’t be ‘big’? The same ‘scientists’ who said brisket was unhealthy until they realized they could tax it? Please.

And don’t even get me started on the ‘submarine landslides.’ You think that’s natural? I don’t. I think it’s Big Ocean trying to distract us from the real threat: the government’s secret weather machines. Ever notice how every ‘natural disaster’ conveniently happens right after a new tax hike? Coincidence? I think not.

So while the ‘experts’ pat you on the head and say, ‘Don’t worry, Texans, your beachfront property is safe,’ I’ll be over here building my ark out of reclaimed pallets and Lone Star cans. Because if there’s one thing I know, it’s that when the elites say something is ‘unlikely,’ they’re usually hiding something. Probably a tidal wave of woke policies. Stay vigilant, folks. The water’s coming—and it’s probably gluten-free."