Waymo Expands in Austin: Your New Robot Overlord Now Covers 90 Square Miles

Great news, Austin! The robots are officially taking over more of your city, and honestly, it’s about time. Waymo, Alphabet’s pet project to make human drivers obsolete, has expanded its autonomous ride-hailing service to a whopping 90 square miles. That’s right—90 square miles where you can now sit in the backseat of a car and pretend you’re in Minority Report, except instead of Tom Cruise, it’s just you awkwardly making small talk with no one.

According to Waymo’s senior director of product management, Shweta Shrivastava, Austinites are now free to 'experience the magic of fully autonomous driving.' Magic? More like a slightly unnerving trust fall with a machine that still occasionally mistakes a plastic bag for a ghost. But hey, at least it’s not a Tesla—Elon’s robotaxis are still in the 'select few influencers' phase, which means if you’re not a YouTuber with a blue checkmark, you’re stuck with the plebeian experience of driving yourself.

Waymo’s expansion now includes such thrilling destinations as The Domain (where you can watch tech bros drop $12 on oat milk lattes) and McKinney Falls State Park (where you can ponder nature while a robot calculates the optimal parking spot). And yes, you can finally take a Waymo to the airport, because nothing says 'stress-free travel' like wondering if your autonomous vehicle will suddenly decide to reroute to a charging station mid-drop-off.

Uber’s global head of autonomous mobility, Sarfraz Maredia, called this 'a major step toward a future of transportation that is increasingly electric and autonomous.' Translation: 'We’re one step closer to firing all our human drivers.' But don’t worry—those drivers can always retrain as AI prompt engineers or, failing that, professional vape reviewers.

Meanwhile, Tesla is playing catch-up, having just doubled its robotaxi operating area to a measly 42 square miles. Elon’s playing the long game, though—by the time Tesla’s fleet is fully autonomous, Waymo will have already colonized Mars.

Waymo also proudly announced it’s hit 100 million fully autonomous miles. That’s 100 million miles without a human behind the wheel, or as Tesla fans call it, 'a slow Tuesday.' Still, it’s impressive—until you remember that the average Austin driver spends roughly 100 million miles per year just trying to merge onto I-35.

So buckle up, Austin. The future is here, and it’s a slightly confused SUV with a spinning lidar on top. Just don’t ask it to parallel park.