Big Government’s War on Gummies: The Hemp Conspiracy They Don’t Want You to Know

In a shocking turn of events that has left Big Government shaking in its boots, Governor Greg Abbott has temporarily spared the hemp industry from the clutches of total annihilation—but don’t worry, folks, the deep state is already plotting its next move. That’s right, while you were busy worrying about whether your CBD gummies would be outlawed, the real question is: Who stands to profit from this regulatory circus?

Let’s break it down. Abbott, in a rare moment of not completely trampling on personal freedoms, vetoed a bill that would have banned THC products outright. But don’t be fooled—this isn’t about freedom. No, no. This is about control. By calling a special session to regulate hemp like alcohol, Abbott is setting the stage for a massive government overreach, where bureaucrats will decide what you can and can’t put in your body. Next thing you know, they’ll be taxing your chamomile tea and requiring a background check for lavender essential oils.

Meanwhile, Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick is out here sounding like a 1950s anti-drug PSA, claiming THC is turning our youth into brain-dead zombies. Newsflash, Dan: If anyone’s altering young minds, it’s TikTok, not a 0.3% THC gummy. But sure, let’s pretend banning hemp will solve the real problems in Texas, like our crumbling power grid and the fact that Austin’s city council is probably run by a secret cabal of vegan anarchists.

And let’s talk about these hemp shop owners, shall we? They’re out here acting like they’re running health clinics instead of businesses selling legalized relaxation. “Our customers are patients!” they cry. Sure, and I’m the Queen of England. Next thing you know, they’ll be claiming kombucha cures cancer. But hey, if veterans and grandmas are getting a good night’s sleep thanks to Delta-8, who am I to judge? Just don’t expect the government to let you enjoy it without a mountain of red tape.

So buckle up, Texas. The special session is coming, and with it, a whole new wave of government-approved ways to micromanage your life. Will hemp survive? Probably. Will the bureaucrats find a way to ruin it? Absolutely. Stay vigilant, folks—and stock up on your gummies while you still can. The nanny state cometh.

This has been your daily dose of reality—brought to you by someone who definitely doesn’t trust the mainstream media (or the government, or probably you).