Austin 'Protesters' Demand Flood Relief Because Apparently, Redistricting Is Just Too Hard to Understand

Oh, the horror! Another day, another 'protest' in Austin where a handful of 'concerned citizens'—probably paid by the same shadowy elites who want to replace our beloved Whataburger with quinoa bowls—gathered to whine about Governor Abbott’s 'selfish' special session. Because, of course, redistricting and protecting women’s sports from biological men are just so much less important than, say, the floods that happened weeks ago. Priorities, people!

Let’s break this down, shall we? A whopping 100 people showed up—that’s right, folks, a whole two digits—to chant 'focus on flooding' like it’s some kind of revolutionary mantra. Meanwhile, Governor Abbott is busy doing the real work: making sure Texas stays red and that our children aren’t forced to take the STAAR test, which, as we all know, is just a tool for the education-industrial complex to indoctrinate our kids into believing in 'climate change' and other liberal fairy tales.

And let’s talk about these 'speakers.' We’ve got a city councilperson (shocking, I know) accusing Abbott of 'attacking' everyone from women to LGBTQIA+ Texans to 'communities of color.' Newsflash: if you’re still 'drying out from the storm,' maybe stop protesting and grab a towel? Just a thought. Then there’s the former Travis County Democratic Party chair, who called redistricting 'dishonest' and 'cheating.' Oh, the irony! Coming from the party that still hasn’t accepted the 2016 election results, that’s rich.

But the real kicker? A 16-year-old policy director lecturing adults about school funding. Sweetheart, maybe focus on your algebra homework before you try to rewrite the state budget. And don’t even get me started on 'Mothers Against Greg Abbott'—because nothing says 'credible political movement' like a Facebook group run by Karens who’ve had one too many soy lattes.

Here’s the truth they don’t want you to know: this 'protest' was just another astroturfed spectacle by the same folks who want to turn Texas into California. Flood relief? Sure, it’s important. But so is making sure men don’t compete in women’s sports and that our elections aren’t decided by illegals and dead people. But hey, keep chanting 'focus on flooding' while the adults in the room actually govern. Wake up, sheeple!