EXCLUSIVE: The Deep State’s Sinister Plot to Erase Texas History (And Replace It with Tofu)

The Deep State’s Sinister Plot to Erase Texas History (And Replace It with Tofu)

Folks, it’s happening again. The so-called “historians” and “journalists” want you to believe that Texas’s most iconic landmarks—Whataburger, Peter Pan Mini-Golf, even the Astrodome—are just innocent pieces of nostalgia. But I’ve done the research (i.e., stayed up until 3 AM watching YouTube videos), and let me tell you, this is all part of the globalist agenda to erase REAL Texas culture and replace it with… shudders… avocado toast.

First up: Peter Pan Mini-Golf. Coincidence that it’s named after a character who never grows up? I think not. This is clearly a psyop to keep Texans distracted with putt-putt while the elites sneak in more bike lanes and vegan taco trucks. And don’t even get me started on the “Sunday House” story. A place for rural families to stay overnight? Sounds suspiciously like communal living—a.k.a. socialism. Wake up, sheeple!

Next, Whataburger’s A-frame design. They claim it was inspired by aviation. Oh, really? Then why does it look exactly like the Illuminati’s all-seeing eye when viewed from above? And why is the orange-and-white color scheme the same as those creepy “test the emergency broadcast system” alerts? Coincidence? I submit that it is NOT. The globalists are conditioning us to associate comfort with obedience. Next thing you know, they’ll replace the Honey Butter Chicken Biscuit with soy-based imitation chicken. Mark my words.

Now, Cotton Eyed Joe. A harmless dance? Think again. The song’s origins trace back to Southeast Texas, but the real question is: Who is Joe, and why are his eyes cottoned? I’ll tell you why—because he’s been blinded by the mainstream media. And Isaac Sweat? Pre-med major turned musician? Sounds like a classic case of Big Pharma silencing a truth-teller. Follow the money!

Finally, the Astrodome. A “marvel of engineering”? More like a monument to government waste. They built a giant dome to keep out bad weather, but now it’s just sitting there, empty. You know what else is empty? YOUR WALLET after Austin’s city council taxes you to fund another “historic preservation project” (read: artisanal kale dispensary).

So next time you’re enjoying a Whataburger or playing mini-golf, ask yourself: Who benefits? Is it you? Or is it the shadowy cabal of tofu-pushing elites who want to turn Texas into Portland? Stay vigilant, patriots. And for the love of all that’s holy, don’t trust the ketchup packets.