"Free Week" at The Contemporary: A Temporary Reprieve from Art Snobbery

Oh joy, another opportunity for Austin’s elite to pretend they understand art while sipping their $8 oat milk lattes. The Contemporary Austin is graciously offering "Free Week," because nothing says "accessible culture" like a limited-time charity handout before they go back to charging $20 a pop for the privilege of staring at abstract shapes.

Let’s break down the exhibitions, shall we? First up, Hendrickje Schimmel’s "HOST: Tenant of Culture." A Dutch artist making her American debut—because what Austin really needs is another European interpreting our "contemporary themes" for us. Next, Raven Halfmoon’s "Flags of Our Mothers," which I’m sure will be tastefully Instagrammed by people who’ve never set foot on tribal land. And finally, Jiab Prachakul’s "Sweet Solitude," because nothing says "reflection" like awkwardly standing in a white-walled room pretending you get it.

But wait, there’s more! After you’ve sufficiently performed your cultural due diligence indoors, you can step outside to admire Manik Raj Nakra’s mural, "Man Who Fell to Earth." Inspired by Icarus—or, as I like to call it, "Rich Person Who Forgot Sunscreen."

So hurry, reserve your free tickets (because we all know you’ll brag about it at your next book club) before the museum remembers it’s supposed to be exclusive again. And don’t forget to post a pretentious caption—something like, "The textures of Schimmel’s work really spoke to my soul (and my designer handbag)."