GOP Redistricting Hearings: Democracy’s Greatest Hits (Now With Extra Gerrymandering!)

Oh, the sweet, sweet sound of democracy in action—or should I say, democracy in inaction? The Texas GOP, in their infinite wisdom, has decided that the best use of their time during a special session—convened in the wake of a deadly flood that claimed over 100 lives—is to redraw congressional maps. Because nothing says "we care about Texans" like gerrymandering while bodies are still being pulled from the wreckage.

Let’s break this down, folks. The Republicans have scheduled these so-called "public hearings" in Austin, Houston, and Arlington. But let’s be real: these aren’t hearings, they’re performances. A chance for the GOP to nod solemnly while Texans vent, only to ignore every word and draw whatever map gives them five extra seats. It’s like asking for feedback on a tattoo you’ve already inked onto your forehead. Spoiler alert: it’s going to say "MAGA."

And don’t even get me started on the Democrats. Bless their hearts, they’re "considering their options." What options? A walkout? A marathon hearing? Please. The GOP has the numbers, the governor’s pen, and the full backing of a certain orange-haired chaos agent who’s sweating bullets over his 2026 prospects. Democrats might as well be bringing a spoon to a gunfight.

State Rep. Gene Wu summed it up perfectly: "Why bother fighting? They're going to win anyways." Finally, a Democrat who’s stopped pretending this isn’t a rigged game. Meanwhile, Phil King, the GOP’s redistricting ringmaster, claims he’s got no "preconceived notion" of what the new maps should look like. Sure, Phil. And I don’t have a preconceived notion that my cat is plotting to overthrow me. (He is. I’ve seen the blueprints.)

But here’s the real kicker: King admits there’s no new demographic data justifying this redistricting circus. So why do it? Because Greg Abbott said so. Because Trump whispered it in a dream. Because the GOP’s entire playbook is "win at all costs," even if it means turning Texas into a one-party state with the electoral diversity of a North Korean ballot.

And let’s not forget U.S. Rep. Greg Casar’s bombshell: Trump is pushing this because his poll numbers are "in the toilet." Shocking. The man who once tried to overturn an election is now trying to rig the next one. If only he put this much effort into, say, not being a historically unpopular president.

So buckle up, Texas. The GOP is about to carve up the state like a Thanksgiving turkey, and the only thing you’ll get is a side of "thoughts and prayers" for the flood victims they’re ignoring. But hey, at least the hearings will be "open and transparent." Just like Trump’s tax returns.

Wake up, sheeple! The maps are being drawn, the fix is in, and your democracy is being served—medium rare, with extra gerrymander sauce.