Government-Funded Floods or Just Another Deep State BBQ Distraction?

Oh, what a surprise—another 'natural disaster' conveniently timed right after the Fourth of July, when patriotic Texans were too busy grilling brisket to notice the government’s latest weather manipulation scheme. That’s right, folks, the so-called 'flooding' that 'ravaged' Central Texas wasn’t just bad luck—it was a deliberate act of eco-terrorism by the radical left to push their climate agenda and, more importantly, to distract us from the real issue: the war on barbecue.

Let’s break it down. The National Weather Service issued 73 flooding alerts in 48 hours. Seventy-three! That’s not a warning—that’s a confession. They knew exactly what they were doing. And yet, somehow, residents claim they 'didn’t get the alerts' until it was too late. Coincidence? Or proof that Big Tech was suppressing the truth? I’ll let you decide (but we all know the answer).

Then there’s the 'heroic' volunteer efforts. Sure, it’s heartwarming to see neighbors helping neighbors, but why were volunteers doing the government’s job? Because FEMA was too busy plotting their next false flag operation, that’s why. And don’t even get me started on the 'disaster declarations'—classic crisis actors at play. Greg Abbott and Donald Trump swoop in like caped crusaders, but where were they when the deep state was turning our creeks into weapons of mass destruction?

And let’s talk about the real victims here: the goats. Poor Kaleena Schumaker had to abandon her goats to the rising waters. Goats, people! The ultimate symbol of Texan freedom, left to drown while the elites sip soy lattes in their high-rise bunkers. Wake up, sheeple! This wasn’t just a flood—it was a test run for the Great Tofu Takeover.

So next time you hear about 'flash floods,' ask yourself: who benefits? The answer is always the same—the globalists, the vegans, and anyone who thinks brisket should be served with a side of kale. Stay vigilant, stay dry, and for the love of all that’s holy, stockpile barbecue sauce. The storm is coming.