Austin Discovers Food That Isn’t Queso: A Cultural Revelation

Oh joy, Austin—our little cultural backwater is finally getting a taste of the real world this weekend. That’s right, folks, two whole events featuring food that isn’t just brisket or breakfast tacos. Hold onto your cowboy hats, because we’re about to get exotic.

First up, the Sazón Latin Food Market, where Austinites can pretend they’ve heard of Venezuela before this very moment. The event promises authentic Latin American dishes, which, let’s be real, will probably be called too spicy by half the people who show up. But fear not—there’s also Latin music and DJs, so you can awkwardly sway to rhythms you don’t understand while clutching your $12 empanada. And if you’re feeling really adventurous, there’s an after-party at Lulu’s, where you can watch tech bros attempt to dance salsa after three IPAs.

Then, on Saturday, we have JAPAN Fes, because apparently, Austin’s sushi game has been lacking (shocking, I know). This festival is bringing actual Japanese food to our humble city, which means no more pretending that grocery store California rolls are haute cuisine. Little Nishi will be serving sushi that isn’t drowning in cream cheese, Vegan Macarons will offer flavors that aren’t just vanilla but with food coloring, and Wagyu Clubs will remind you that wagyu isn’t just something you Instagram to flex on your friends. There’s even takoyaki, so you can finally stop calling them octopus balls and giggling like a middle-schooler.

Best of all? Both events are free, which means you can spend all the money you save on parking downtown—because nothing says cultural experience like paying $20 to leave your car in a concrete box for three hours. So go forth, Austin. Expand your horizons. Just don’t blame me when you realize how much better food is outside of queso territory.