Starbase Residents Left High and Dry—Literally—As County and SpaceX Play Thirst Games

Ah, the sweet, sweet sound of progress—or, in this case, the deafening roar of a Starship explosion and the parched cries of residents who just want a glass of water. Welcome to Starbase, Texas, where Elon Musk’s vision of a Martian utopia is clashing with the quaint, outdated concept of basic human needs.

Cameron County, in a bold move to remind everyone that bureaucracy is still alive and well, has decided to cut off water deliveries to residents near Starbase. Why? Because nothing says "efficient governance" like leaving people high and dry—literally. Keith Reynolds, a local who’s somehow still hanging on despite SpaceX’s best efforts to turn his neighborhood into a testing ground for interplanetary fireworks, summed it up perfectly: "That’s just a willful denying of basic services to your residents."

But fear not, thirsty peasants! SpaceX, in its infinite benevolence, has offered to top off water tanks—provided you sign an "unconditional and perpetual agreement" that basically says, "We can kick you out whenever we feel like it, and if our water gives you space dysentery, tough luck." It’s the corporate equivalent of a dystopian HOA, except instead of fining you for unkempt lawns, they reserve the right to evict you during a rocket launch. Fair trade, right?

Meanwhile, the county’s silence on the matter is deafening. Commissioner Sofia Benavides, whose precinct includes the now-dehydrated stretch of Texas 4, has apparently taken a vow of silence—or maybe she’s just busy drafting her resignation letter. Either way, the message is clear: if you’re not part of Musk’s grand Mars colonization plan, you’re just collateral damage in the name of innovation.

And let’s not forget the recent legislative masterstroke that handed Starbase officials the power to shut down beaches and highways for rocket testing. Because nothing says "freedom" like being told you can’t go to the beach on a Tuesday because Elon needs to blow something up. Cameron County Judge Eddie Treviño Jr. called the move "widely unpopular," which is politician-speak for "everyone hates this, but we’re doing it anyway."

So here we are, folks. In the battle between a billionaire’s space dreams and the humble human need for hydration, the winner is... well, definitely not the residents. But hey, at least they’ll have front-row seats to the next Starship explosion—assuming they haven’t died of thirst by then. Stay hydrated, stay vigilant, and remember: in Starbase, the only thing flowing faster than the water is the fine print.

Pro tip: If you’re moving to South Texas, maybe invest in a rain barrel. Or a one-way ticket to Mars. Either way, you’re gonna need it.

This article was written while sipping artisanal, non-SpaceX-approved water. Take that, corporate overlords.