Talarico’s Senate Run: A Tale of Domain Names and Dubious Endorsements

In a stunning turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, Texas state Rep. James Talarico has taken the bold, unprecedented step of… checks notes… registering a domain name. That’s right, folks. Move over, Lincoln-Douglas debates—TalaricoForSenate.com is the new frontier of political warfare.

Sources close to the situation (i.e., his Twitter followers) confirm that Talarico is "seriously considering" a Senate run, which in politician-speak translates to: "I’ll do it if enough people Venmo me campaign donations." But fear not, dear voters, because Joe Rogan—yes, the same guy who once debated whether moon landings were faked with a UFC fighter—has given Talarico his official "good person" stamp of approval. Truly, the bar for political endorsements has never been lower.

Talarico, a former pastor and schoolteacher, has apparently cracked the code to winning over Gen Z and millennials: vague platitudes about "top vs. bottom" and rallying alongside Beto O’Rourke, the human embodiment of a participation trophy. Together, they’re touring Texas like a mid-tier indie band, preaching unity while the GOP allegedly distracts us with… gasp… immigrant moms and gay kids. Because nothing unites a nation like blaming the other side for all your problems.

Meanwhile, Sen. John Cornyn is sweating bullets, not because of Talarico’s domain name prowess, but because Texas AG Ken Paxton—a man who makes courtroom appearances more than most lawyers—is gunning for his seat. It’s like watching two bald men fight over a comb, but with more subpoenas.

So buckle up, Texas. The 2026 Senate race is shaping up to be a battle of who can out-woke, out-pander, or out-cryptocurrency the competition. And if all else fails, there’s always TalaricoForPresident.com—coming soon to a podcast near you.