Another Texas Democrat Wants to Lose a Senate Race (But This Time With a Cool Website)

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, another Texas Democrat has decided to dip their toes into the political bloodbath that is the U.S. Senate race. State Rep. James Talarico, a man who somehow manages to be both a pastor and a politician without spontaneously combusting from the cognitive dissonance, has registered TalaricoForSenate.com—because nothing says "I’m serious about governance" like a placeholder website with Comic Sans vibes.

Talarico, who moonlights as a social media influencer when he’s not busy being a former schoolteacher (a profession he clearly abandoned for the glamorous world of fundraising calls and donor dinners), claims he hasn’t made up his mind yet. Sure, Jan. Next, you’ll tell us Elon Musk isn’t building a secret Mars colony for tech bros.

The real kicker? Joe Rogan—yes, the same guy who once debated whether moon landings were faked with a guy who exclusively eats raw liver—has anointed Talarico as the Second Coming of Political Decency. "We need someone who is actually a good person," Rogan declared, presumably between sips of elk meat smoothie. Bold words from a man whose podcast guests range from UFC fighters to conspiracy theorists who think WiFi gives you superpowers.

Talarico, ever the optimist, insists politics isn’t about left vs. right but "top vs. bottom." Cute. Tell that to the GOP, which is currently too busy banning books and investigating drag queens to notice they’re hemorrhaging suburban voters faster than a Tesla on autopilot. Meanwhile, Texas Democrats are lining up like it’s Black Friday at a Buc-ee’s, with retired astronauts, former congressmen, and Beto O’Rourke (who’s apparently running for something every election cycle now) all jostling for the chance to lose to Ted Cruz’s less charismatic cousin, John Cornyn.

But hey, at least Talarico has a website. That’s more than most of us can say for our side hustles. Launching soon, indeed. Maybe by 2026, he’ll even figure out how to make Texas blue—or at least a slightly less aggressive shade of red. One can dream.

In the meantime, we’ll be here, refreshing TalaricoForSenate.com for updates, because nothing screams "democracy in action" like a landing page and a podcast endorsement from a man who once tried to DMT his way into enlightenment. Godspeed, James. You’re gonna need it.