EXCLUSIVE: Hill Country ‘Floods’ Exposed as Deep-State Plot to Ban Tubes, Install Kayak Communism

Folks, I’ve got a breaking exposé for you—one the mainstream media won’t touch because they’re too busy pushing their flood narrative. That’s right, the so-called "devastating floods" in the Hill Country? A total hoax. A deep-state psyop to destroy Texas’ sacred tubing industry and replace it with… gasp… kayak socialism.

Let’s break it down. These "floods" conveniently hit right when Big Government needed an excuse to shut down our rivers. Coincidence? I think not. Have you seen the water levels on the Comal? Perfect. Crystal clear. Flowing like freedom itself. But what do the elites want you to believe? That it’s a death trap. Why? Because they can’t stand the idea of Texans floating happily, sipping cold ones, and not worrying about their 5G microchips activating.

And don’t even get me started on the "131 deaths." Where’s the proof? Where are the bodies? I’ll tell you where—nowhere, because this is all part of the Great River Reset. They want you afraid of nature so you’ll stay indoors, binge-watching woke Netflix shows, and forget the simple joy of drifting down the river with a Yeti full of Lone Star.

Business owners like Colie Reno and Cameron Blezinger? Pawns in their game. They’re being gaslit into thinking their livelihoods are ruined, when in reality, the rivers are better than ever. Wake up, people! This is about control. First, they take your tubes. Next, your guns. Then, your brisket.

And let’s talk about these "lawyers swarming" after the floods. You think they’re here to help? No! They’re the foot soldiers of the tubing-industrial complex, ready to sue small businesses into oblivion so the globalists can replace them with government-approved floating experiences. Mark my words: next year, you’ll need a vaccine passport just to rent a canoe.

So what’s the solution? Simple. Ignore the fearmongering. Grab your cooler, your sunscreen, and your tinfoil hat (because you know they’re spraying something in that river), and get back out there. The Hill Country needs you. Freedom needs you. And most importantly, Big Tube needs you.

Stay vigilant, patriots. And remember: if the water’s fine, it’s probably a trap. But float anyway—just to spite them.