Drowning in Bureaucracy: How Kerr County Chose Tax Cuts Over Lives

Oh, the sweet, sweet irony of bureaucracy at its finest! The Upper Guadalupe River Authority (UGRA) had one job—keep people from drowning in flash floods—and yet, here we are, decades later, with more bodies floating down the river than logs at a lumberjack convention.

Back in the '80s, after a tragic flood claimed 10 young lives, UGRA did the unthinkable: they raised taxes. Gasp! The horror! But wait—it was for a noble cause: a "world-class" flood warning system. Fast forward 30 years, and that system is about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Why? Because upgrading it would’ve cost money, and apparently, saving lives isn’t as exciting as hoarding a $3.4 million reserve fund like a dragon sitting on a pile of gold.

Let’s not forget the heroic leadership of Gov. Greg Abbott’s appointees, who were too busy running summer camps (because nothing says "qualified river authority board member" like knowing how to make friendship bracelets) to bother with pesky flood warnings. And when the state offered grants to help pay for upgrades? UGRA said, "No thanks, we’d rather lower taxes and pray for a miracle." Spoiler alert: miracles don’t come with a 0% interest loan.

Meanwhile, Bandera County—a neighboring river authority with half the budget—somehow managed to install not one, but two flood warning systems. How? By actually using their tax dollars for, you know, public safety. Revolutionary concept, right?

But hey, why spend money on flood alerts when you can just cross your fingers and hope for the best? After all, as one former board member so eloquently put it, their job was "protecting the river, not warning people about flooding." Because nothing says "river protection" like letting people get swept away in it.

So here’s to UGRA, the shining example of how to turn a tragedy into a recurring subscription service. Next time, maybe they’ll invest in a magic eight-ball instead. "Outlook not so good?" Too late—the water’s already rising.

Wake up, Kerr County! Your local government is too busy counting pennies to count the bodies. But don’t worry, they’ll lower your taxes just in time for the next flood. Priorities, people!