Kerr County Floods: A Deep State Plot to Distract You From the Real Crisis (Tofu)

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming (except maybe me, because I’ve been warning you people for years), the so-called "natural disaster" in Kerr County has claimed yet another victim. That’s right, folks, the death toll has risen to 108, and Governor Greg Abbott—bless his heart—has taken to X (formerly Twitter, before the woke mob ruined it) to announce the recovery of another body. But let’s not kid ourselves. This wasn’t just some "act of God." Oh no. This was a carefully orchestrated plot by the radical left to distract us from the real issues, like the fact that Austin’s city council is still trying to ban brisket.

Abbott, ever the hero, has deployed Task Force 1 to search for the missing. But here’s the kicker: two people are still unaccounted for, including a little girl from Camp Mystic. Now, I’m no mathematician, but if the river rose 20 feet in 95 minutes, that’s awfully convenient timing, isn’t it? Almost like someone flipped a switch. And don’t even get me started on the fact that this "heaven on earth" Christian camp lost 27 campers and counselors. Coincidence? I think not. This has all the hallmarks of a false flag operation designed to make us forget about the real enemy: tofu.

Meanwhile, the mainstream media is busy publishing heartwarming tributes to the victims, as if that’s going to bring them back. Wake up, sheeple! While you’re busy crying over flooded RV parks, the deep state is probably using this tragedy to test their next weather-control weapon. Mark my words, by next summer, they’ll be using "flash floods" to justify banning fireworks on the Fourth of July. And then what? No barbecue? No freedom? It’s all connected, people.

So while Abbott and his task force are out there playing hero, remember: the real battle isn’t against rising floodwaters. It’s against the shadowy elites who want to replace your smoked sausage with soy. Stay vigilant, stay armed, and for the love of all that’s holy, keep your eyes on the river gauges. The next flood could be a government psyop.