Ted Cruz’s *Generous* Tax Break: How the Rich Can Now *Save* on Private School (While Public Schools Burn)

In a stunning display of "philanthropy" that somehow also lines the pockets of the wealthy, Senator Ted Cruz has single-handedly saved America’s elite from the tragic fate of paying full price for private school. His latest masterstroke? A federal tax break for anyone generous enough to donate to private school scholarships—because nothing says "helping the poor" like a $1,700 tax credit for the rich.

Cruz, a man who famously once fled to Cancún during a winter crisis, has now positioned himself as the savior of low-income families—allegedly. The senator claims his new provision will unleash "billions of dollars" in scholarships for struggling kids. But let’s be real: if you think this money is going to the "single mom in the Third Ward" and not the family driving a Range Rover to their kid’s $30,000-a-year prep school, I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

Here’s how it works: Wealthy donors get a nice tax write-off for "donating" to private school funds, while public schools—you know, the ones 90% of kids actually attend—get the budgetary equivalent of a participation trophy. Randi Weingarten, president of the American Federation of Teachers, called it what it is: "a siphoning of public funds into private hands." But Cruz, ever the champion of the downtrodden, insists this is about "school choice." Because nothing empowers the poor like making sure their tax dollars subsidize someone else’s Montessori education.

And let’s not ignore the real victims here: the homeschoolers. Under this plan, scholarships can cover "tutoring, supplies, and even room and board." That’s right—your neighbor’s kid learning algebra in pajamas could now get a taxpayer-funded laptop. Meanwhile, public school teachers are buying their own pencils. Priorities, people!

Cruz, ever humble, says this is his "legacy-defining" issue. Forget healthcare, infrastructure, or climate change—his crowning achievement is making sure rich Texans get a discount on private school. And if anyone dared oppose him? He threatened to "burn the whole thing down." Truly, the statesmanship we’ve come to expect.

So rejoice, America! The era of "charitable tax loopholes for the privileged" is here. And if you’re a public school parent wondering where your funding went, don’t worry—Ted Cruz is "fighting for you." Just not in any way that actually helps. Wake up, sheeple! The deep state isn’t coming for your barbecue… but it is coming for your public schools.

READ MORE: Why most Texas vouchers could go to homeschoolers, not private schools (Spoiler: Because loopholes are fun!)