Texas Flood Response: Lawmakers Hold Hearing, Pretend to Care

Oh, what a shocker—Texas lawmakers are finally pretending to care about the Hill Country floods! After 135 people tragically lost their lives, our fearless leaders have decided to hold a public hearing—because nothing says "urgent action" like a bureaucratic circle-jerk where "invited experts" (read: government-approved yes-men) get to nod solemnly while politicians furrow their brows in deep, performative concern.

Governor Greg Abbott, ever the visionary, has asked lawmakers to address things like "flood warning systems" and "emergency communications." Wow, groundbreaking stuff. Maybe next, he’ll suggest that water is wet? Meanwhile, Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick is pushing for sirens—because clearly, the problem isn’t that people keep building in floodplains or that climate change is making storms worse, it’s that we just didn’t have enough loud noises to ignore.

And let’s not forget the real star of the show: the special session. Because nothing says "we take this seriously" like cramming flood response between redistricting (aka gerrymandering for fun and profit) and THC regulation (because priorities). House Speaker Dustin Burrows, in a stunning display of leadership, said it’s "too early to commit to specifics." Translation: "We’ll wait until the next disaster to pretend we’re doing something."

Meanwhile, experts like Philip Bedient are out here suggesting actual solutions, like a unified flood warning system for a measly $1.5 million. But hey, why spend money on saving lives when we can just keep rejecting funding applications and then act surprised when people die? Classic Texas efficiency.

And let’s give a round of applause to our GOP overlords for their bold stance on flood safety requirements for youth camps—after dozens of girls died. Nothing like closing the barn door after the horse has drowned, am I right?

But don’t worry, folks! The Democrats are furious that Republicans are too busy redrawing maps to appease Trump instead of, you know, helping flood victims. Shocking, I know.

So here we are, folks. Another disaster, another round of thoughts and prayers, and another hearing where absolutely nothing will change—until the next flood, when we’ll all pretend to be shocked all over again. Wake up, sheeple! The real flood is the deluge of incompetence from our so-called leaders.