GOVERNMENT'S 'HEAT DOME' HOAX: A COVER-UP FOR WEATHER CONTROL AND BBQ SABOTAGE?

Folks, they're at it again! The so-called 'National Weather Service' wants you to believe that a 'heat dome' is threatening 200 million Americans. Oh, please. This is just another ploy by the globalist elites to distract you from the REAL issue—the government's secret weather control experiments! Wake up, sheeple!

First, they tell us it's 'dangerously hot,' but have you ever noticed how the thermometers are all conveniently placed next to air conditioning vents owned by Big Climate? Coincidence? I think not. And now they're dangling this 'tropical system' in the Gulf like a carrot on a stick. 'Oh, maybe it’ll bring relief!' Sure, just like the last 'rainmaker' that mysteriously vanished after Louisiana started asking too many questions.

And let’s talk about Texas. They claim this 'system' might bring rain, but what they’re not telling you is that this is all part of the UN’s Agenda 21 to flood our precious barbecue pits and force us into eating lab-grown cricket burgers. Mark my words, by next week, they’ll be telling us to 'evacuate' straight into FEMA camps disguised as 'cooling centers.'

And don’t even get me started on their 'hurricane preparedness' checklist. 'Get flood insurance!' they say. You know who profits from that? Big Insurance, that’s who. And 'trim your trees'? Sounds like a sneaky way for Big Arbor to justify clear-cutting your backyard to make room for 5G towers.

So while the mainstream media wants you to panic about the weather, I’ll be in my bunker, grilling a brisket, and waiting for the truth to come out—probably right after the next 'solar flare' conveniently knocks out all communications. Stay vigilant, patriots. The storm is coming… and it’s not the one they’re warning you about.

This article was written in a climate-controlled studio, because even satire writers know better than to mess with Texas heat.